Wednesday, October 23, 2013


So as I told you guys the other day .. I've been sick for a while . Yesterday my mom and I decided that maybe the best thing for me at the moment is to become home bound . I'm weak , and I'm also very exhausted . Being sick is taking a lot from me . I feel like I can't live life normally ... I feel like at times I'm having the high feelings you would get from medicines. But the medicine I am taking now usually doesn't make me feel high . I'm on ibuprofen and some decongestant . I went to the doctor today for the paperwork for home bound and for them to take some blood work . I have an appointment for those results Wednesday . The people for the CT scan called today . I have an appointment with them on Monday I believe . I honestly cannot wait to be told what ever is going on ... I honestly just want to feel better . It would be nice to not be sick for a change . 

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Forgot My Codes

Hey everyone. I want to start off by apologizing for not blogging in a while. I have actually been meaning to get back on but then every time I would try to log back on I had forgotten my codes .I can't remember where I left off with the family, so I will just let everyone know a run down of life the past year. 

My brother came home, at first it was a struggle and it was getting really bad. We had to sit down one day and tell him that if he didn't straighten his act up that we would have to place him in another home and we would probably never get to see him again. Since then he has changed.... Drastically. It was well needed and it was an amazing transformation. He can now get mad and upset and not throw a huge fit , he doesn't attack my mom anymore, he talks about it like a "normal" child would. Yes he still back talks but that is far more better than what we would have to deal with . 

My sister on the other hand (the one that I have always struggled to attach myself to) is currently living in residential. She is quite the person . She came home and we were suppose to rekindle our sisterly relationship. That all went down the drain. Things with her became too much too quick. She started with some old behaviors. She beat the crap out of some girl that she rode the bus with all because the girl over heard her say I was starting school again. * I will explain that later on ... The girl proceeded to tell her that she thought I was pretty. My sister didn't like that too much and decided to beat her in the head repeatedly and my sister giggled about it when we tried talking to her about it as a family. Saying if she wanted to she would do it again. We just had an incident the other weekend, she came home for an overnight visit. The parents went grocery shopping for a little bit and she completely lost it over some toy blocks. She was asked to share nicely or not play with them at all . She then got up threw the blocks at another kid and started chatting and screaming at me . Luckily I had a bigger male there that if she tried anything too crazy he could help. My mom, my boyfriend, and I ended up going to the hospital for a little while until my sister's facility could come pick her up .

Other than that we are all doing great here at the house. I don't remember if I had blogged about my nana. My dad's mother. She had struggled with cancer all her life. This November we are coming up on some sensitive dates. Her birthday, thanksgiving, and the day she passed. She was a great woman, and I loved that I was able to do virtual school and be there for her. She was a loving woman that took us in as her grandkids. She never once treated us any different from each other and you could tell she loved each and everyone of us with all her heart. I've been thinking about her a lot lately, I know she's in a better place. She no longer is sick and suffering everyday. But there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish she was her . I'd give anything to be able to see her just one more time, to hug her just one more time, or to tell her I love her just one more time. 

I meet a guy. He's real nice, he has some of his own issues. He hasn't had the easiest life. He watched his mother be murdered by a boyfriend that then shot and killed himself. Four months before his mother's passing , his brother committed suicide . I thought I was once in love before. Boy was I young and stupid. This guy really is something. He's my first love. He accepts certain things about our relationship other guys didn't. I appreciate that. He shows he cares, and that he is there for me. He's really amazing.

I on the other hand, I've been sick since August. I have no idea what it is but I totally over it. I went to my doctor 3 times in the matter of 1 month. All 3 times she said it was bronchitis, and she treated it as so. She gave me all sorts of medicines. It would never fully go away. No matter what I was taking all it did was make me high. Which by the way is the worse feeling ever. But just this last Friday I went to the ENT. Ear, Nose, Throat doctor and an allergy specialist. I was given 49 shots, for allergy testing. Totally sucked. This doctor wants to get a CT of my face for my sinus cavities. Mom said I may have to have surgery, not looking forward to that at all . I am so over being sick. I am tired way before I should be, all my body seems to want to do is sleep. I have congestion in the face and in the chest. I constantly feel like someone is sitting on my chest. Its hard to breathe. My mom has a friend over from out of town, I cried in front of her tonight because that's all I seem to want to do right now because I'm so tired of being tired and sick . So hopefully when I go in for my other appointment on the 1st , they will be able to tell me what is wrong and what we can do to fix this. Oh yeah, while we were at the doctor they kept talking about asthma. So lets hope its not that either . Lol.

I am planning on blogging every chance I get , and this time I mean it . Lol . So I hope you are looking forward for more blogs, and that you take some time out of your day to read them . :)